#hello ro aromantic community

[death47lyagushka]

Marian telefonul meu unde e

ERA SA CAD DIN PAT IL BAG IN PIZDA MASII!!

[aro-culture-is]

hello i’m so sorry to bother you but i think i might be aroace

i already have worked out that i’m ace, but recently i’ve really been questioning if i’m also aro

i’ve been in a relationship before but it lasted a week and the most we did was hold hands. i’ve been identifying as a lesbian for a while.

anyway my reason for questioning was that i don’t really think i can feel anything? i’ll see a pretty girl and go oh she’s cute but i don’t really feel anything more and i feel like i’m supposed to. recently i think a girl was crushing on me, but when i thought about kissing her, i felt really sick.

i still really, really, want a relationship, and i know im not interested in men at all.

i just don’t know what i am and i kinda hate myself for it

hi! it sounds like this has been a pretty rough time for you. I think it might be worthwhile to consider a few things here - the way you're describing your feelings sounds to me like you are actually pretty sure that you're aroace, but that you don't want to accept it.

in that case, i have a few thoughts. first of all: take a deep breath. it's okay. i promise you that this is not some kind of terrible fate. it's just one of many, many ways of being. there's a few different things you might want to think about while you process this self-discovery. for one, society often encourages a view of life in which romantic(/sexual) monogamous relationships are seen as The Ideal, and that life will be sad and unfulfilling without it. I don't know how much time you've spent talking to folks in their later years of life, but I can tell you that I've met plenty who never married and describe a happy life. it might be worthwhile to read up on amatonormativity to get an idea of this social pressure, and think on how it affects your feelings.

this isn't to say you can't still want a relationship, but, in my experience, I find that it's very worthwhile for many new aros to start with truly exploring if they want a romantic relationship, or if they want a happy and fulfilling life, and thought that meant they had to have a romantic relationship. if you do still want a romantic relationship - you're far from alone! even if you feel neither romantic nor sexual attraction, you're in good company. the same way that asexual folks can have sex for a variety of reasons, including enjoying it, aromantic folks can engage in romance. as long as everyone is comfortable, labels aren't really a big deal. do what you enjoy.

some labels that may lead you to communities or ideas that I suspect might help: romo aro is a term for aro folks who want romantic relationships, oriented aroace (such as lesbian aroace) is a term that may be worth looking into if you feel some attraction to women that doesn't fit well into romantic or sexual categories, and romance favorable aromantic works exactly the same way sex favorable asexual does - a quick way of saying "i'm a(-ro, -sexual) and i enjoy (romance, sex)".

I hope this helps!